Jokes.. damn funny!

A Mother and Daughter

A mother and daughter loved to play around. They partied everyday and always ended up fucking everybody around. Their holes were played until they became seasoned and loose. One day, the daughter met the man of her dreams and decided to get married. Now, the man did not know about their flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin. So he decided to leave any lovemaking until their wedding night. The daughter began to worry about the condition of her hole and consulted her mother, "Mum, I'm worried, what will Peter do if he finds out about my hole?!!" Mother said, "Don't worry dear, I will teach you a way to fool your husband-to-be. Here's what you do, place an apple in your hole and it will be tight and he won't even notice it." So the daughter did what her mother taught her and everything went well and the stupid husband didn't even notice.

This went on for a few months. Now, every time the daughter wanted to bathe, she would take out the apple and place it on the wash basin and after bathing, she would put it back in her hole. One day, after bathing, she forgot to put it back and left it on the wash basin. The husband came into the washroom and saw the apple and thought that her wife left the apple for him and he ate it, "Honey, thanks for the apple. It tasted great!" Shocked, the daughter dare not tell her husband about it and went to consult her mother, "Mum, I'm in deep shit now! I took out the apple while I was bathing and I forgot to put it back and Peter found the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it! What should I do? Will he be poisoned? I'm scared, mum." Mother said, "Don't worry dear, a few years ago, your father ate the WATERMELON I left in the washroom and he lived!"

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Dumb Blond

A blonde is driving down a country road. She looks over to the right, and sees another blond, in a row boat, out in the middle of a field, rowing.

The first blond can't believe her eyes, stops the car, and gets out to look at the blond in the rowboat. The longer she looks, the madder she gets.

Finally she says: "You know, it's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name. You're just sitting in the middle of a field in a row boat rowing. That's so stupid! If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

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Bitten By Rattlesnake

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do: take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison, and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you're gonna die."